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May 3, 2011
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I made some comments on a blog and, well, really made the author upset. Seems he felt that any lady could be made to learn to enjoy being tied up, provided she was introduced to it in a pleasurable fashion. And I took him to task.

Y'see, some ladies like being tied up, some are indifferent to it, and some don't care for it at all. And if you're one of those guys who likes to tie women up (like me, and probably most of the people who've friended me here) then you're going to want one of the former. And to stay away from the latter.

But this deviant (as in a member of deviantArt) seems to feel that you can train *any* woman, like you'd train a dog, to love bondage. You just need to make certain that her experiences are always pleasurable. And, well, I think this person has maybe read too many books, had too many fantasies, and not been with enough actual woman. Because my actual, real-world experience is quite contrary to this.

You can no more "make" a woman love bondage than you can "make" a straight person gay, or a gay person straight. We're hardwired to like the things we like, be it vanilla sex, people of the same sex, people who like to be tied up, or even underage girls and boys (and, really, the people in that last category have a heavy cross to bear).

The trick is to find someone who's hardwired the same way you are. If you're a guy who likes to tie up gals, then you need to find a gal who craves being tied up (and I read one article recently that suggested that there are more gals who want to be tied up than guys who want to tie them... go figure!). And now that I've actually gotten inside the BDSM community I can tell you... well, you'll be alright. You really don't need to recruit from the vanilla world, even if it seems that way right now.

Are you a single guy? Make some small mention on your first date that ropes and duct tape are in her future (I leave the creative part to you, but humor is a good way to go). If she balks or freaks out, prolly avoid a second date. But if she's intrigued, she may be the gal for you.

Are you in a relationship? Tell your GF that you're a kinky bastard who likes to tie gals up, not to force them to do things they don't wanna, but for mutual erotic stimulation. If she gets all warm and tingly, good news! If she's really into it, she'll be going from zero to sixty in a few sessions. If not... well, maybe she's not the gal for you... you need to weigh her other qualities against her lack of interest in being tied up.

I can tell you that with Mara and I, it was like falling off a log. She liked being barefooted, craved being tied up, we both found each other sexy as hell... well, that was the beginning of it. Later, I discovered that she read the same comics I did, liked a lot of the same authors, and was a total 'Firefly' geek (and Doctor Who as well, but I try not to hold that against her).

A lot of you reading this are young, kids to me. I was where you were then, but there was no Internet, no Jedi Master who could tell me how things worked. I am jealous of you, and I hope you take some real advice from someone who's been there and stay away from the noobs who've read too many books.
  • Mood: Anguish
  • Listening to: Emerson, Lake and Palmer
  • Reading: Doc Savage
  • Watching: Game of Thrones
  • Playing: D&D
  • Drinking: bourbon
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:iconsickbritkid:
SickBritKid Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2011
I think a lot of women DO enjoy bondage, they just don't know it yet...

Despite BDSM being quite widespread, if under the surface, there're still quite a few who probably don't know for certain...
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:iconvree:
vree Featured By Owner May 25, 2011
Very inspiring speech, thank you :)
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:iconeceu:
EcEu Featured By Owner May 3, 2011
you got it right here, i'm fortunate that i'm with a lovely lady who shares the same kinks as me.

people should just avoid being a victim of Leisure Suit Larry syndrome, which is, finding love in all the wrong places
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:icontommerch:
tommerch Featured By Owner May 3, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Preach on!

Another thing might be to see if there are B&D groups who meet in your area (good ol' Google or, if you're going Old School, alternative weeklies can help).

Thos. Merchant
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:iconpiratestann:
PirateStann Featured By Owner May 3, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Alternative weeklies? Are there any of those even around anymore?
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:icontommerch:
tommerch Featured By Owner May 4, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Well, there still is the Boston Phoenix over here.

Thos. Merchant
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